Back to the Future--Introduction

Sites like this offer an opportunity to share whatever you're willing to print for the public. So far I have shared current opinions and some reflections on the past. I was inspired by my brother Mark who started his site last year. He outlines lots of political opinions--some of which I don't share. But I really enjoy following his opinions, and I also enjoy posts about his AT experience. His posts are always well thought out and well written. Check him out at www.unsolictedopinion.blogspot.com

In Back to the Future Posts I'll go back to earlier times in my life, provide some factual information, and try to share my feelings. I'm not use to sharing that kind of stuff so we'll see how it develops.

I grew up in a unique family. Frank and Kay Fleming married on January 22, 1945. 367 days later I arrived at 6lbs 6ozs and 24 inches long. My mother said I looked like a piece of spaghetti. Mark arrived 20 months later, another brother who died 2 days after delivery in June 1950. My parents had an RH blood factor which now is easily addressed, but back then caused serious problems. First born(me) was normal but Mark had problems and my youngest brother Bruce didn't survive. The unique aspect of our family (compared to most) is we were 4 individuals who never really connected like the traditional family. My brother Mark and I shared the same bedroom but while growing up were not really close. In fact we seemed to have nothing in common as kids. Our parents seemed to be somewhere else while we were growing up--if I asked for help they would respond, but to me the message seemed to be, figure it out, move on and we'll back you because we trust you. We were given a lot more freedom to roam compared to other friends. Mark and I rode out bikes across town to school while most of our friends weren't allowed to ride off their street.

While growing up we were the only family without a car. According to our parents we didn't need one. Our father rode the bus to and from work; our mother would ride the bus to the grocery store then take a taxi home. That meant Mark and I either asked our friend's parents for rides, rode the bus, walked, or rode our bike. I remember feeling embarrassed about begging for rides, but I also relished the freedom I had to ride my bike anywhere I wanted to go. When we finally got a car in 1961, I virtually quit riding my bike throughout the rest of my high school years.

I have no recollection of all 4 of us going anywhere as a family. Mark and I visited cousins, sometimes together, sometimes on our own, sometimes with our mother--but never all 4 of us together. I also remember our parents going to a few weddings and conventions but Mark and I didn't go. Seems like our father was the one who wasn't interested in family travels or vacations. He seemed pleasant enough when relatives visited us but didn't seem interested in visiting anyone. I remember his mother and sister visiting us, and our mother's relatives visiting, but he never seemed interested in going anywhere--at least with his family.

But we were not completely disfunctional. Two certainties existed: dinner was served every night (execpt Tuesday) at about 6:00. The meal was the same for each day of the week--I won't bore you with each day's menu--but it was a time we gathered as a family. Most of the time normal stuff talked about. After dinner my father would usually take a short nap. The second certainty was I could go into his bedroom 30 minutes later, wake him up and share whatever I wanted to. I can't remember a single thing we ever talked about but I remember it was a time when I felt incredibly close to my father. I don't ever recall Mark or my mother joining those encounters with me. Maybe Mark had his own time and I'm sure our parents had intimate moments, but I have no idea how other members of my family connected. I never connected with Mark until we were adults, and never really connected with my mother on a very personal level as an individual.

I don't know much about my father's childhood and early adulthood. He died in 1962 so I have forgotten stories he shared with me. Since there weren't many relatives on his side and only one cousin left there isn't really anyone left to help figure out his past prior to his marriage. I know more about my mother because she came from a large family and lived until 1979. Our parents seemed very connected to each other--at least my mother was connected to our father. After he died she never really recovered from his loss. She had 2 nervous break downs and had to be hospitalized each time, the second time for about 6 months. She did go back to work as a nurse and seemed to do well for about 3 years, but some incident caused her to be released and after that happened she went into a 13 year decline smoking and drinking herself to an early death in 1979. It was very hard for me to watch this and after trying to help in the early years I just gave up and moved on with my life.

As I look back on my immediate family I see 4 talented individuals who did not connect as a family while we were together. Mark, myself and our mother are/were gifted writers. Our father was a 5th generation pharmacist. Other talents abound. I can't change the relationship with my parents--maybe I can dig deeper to improve my relationship with Mark.